Sheer Frustration

I’m writing this at the point of sheer Frustration and it may end up all ranty but I’m needing to rant.

Hopefully someone somewhere will get what I’m saying. I’m not a neuro typical person,  neither is my son but my daughter is. Therefore ,  parenting can be hard,  harder than normal.

What works with my daughter won’t work with him , you have to think outside the box, walk on eggshell,  try and  avoid the confrontation s , the meltdowns , the sheer and utter devastation psychically and emotionally on a daily basis.

Things have got so bad recently I have to accept professional help , I ve had to get the school involved because after 8 years of doing it alone , it just became all too much.

And this was hard for me… to expose myself and my child in such a vulnerable way… to ask for help when all I ever learnt is it ll be refused . To let people in my home when I don’t even let my parents through my own front door.

So I’ve done this, I’ve done it because I love my son , because I want to help him.

But all I seem to get from everyone is the lack of understanding that he isn’t neurotypical,  they allude to my parenting , they suggest things that yes would work if he didn’t have emotional , psychological and pyschical disabilities – they don’t understand that I’m agreeing with them in concept but I know it won’t work and to be honest the consequences of trying would be catastrophic. This is not me being difficult. I’m being honest.

I feel undermined,  I feel like I’m being called into question when actually I have proof in the shape of a 12 year old daughter this isn’t my parenting that is the problem. It isn’t like i havnt tried the same techniques with both.

I had to remind them today of this,  I got upset through the sheer frustration of talking but never being listened to.

All I’m asking is that I have some support to do it the way I know will work, because I know I can’t do it alone anymore, I broke before Xmas but I need to be strong for my boy but I need  to be believed in.

The Seven Deadly Sins :Envy

​The Seven Deadly  Sins : Envy 

Posted by ATTICSECRETS1979 on JANUARY 8, 2017

EDIT

​With its religious connotations throughout the book, Flowers in the Attic was always going to have the “hidden” religious themes such as the Seven Deadly Sins. 

In this section i will be exploring each sin and what section of the story they appear in , how they affect the characters and why ….

Envy (Latin, invidia)

Envy (jealousy, malice) —
Grieving spite and resentment of material objects, accomplishments, or character traits of others, or wishing others to fail or come to harm. Envy is the root of theft and self-loathing. Dante defined this as “love of one’s own good perverted to a desire to deprive other men of theirs”.

Sin: Envy

Sinner : Cathy 

The greatest  example of Envy rears it’s ugly head on the night of the Christmas party.

Corrine arrives beautifully  adorned in a green dress , breathlessly telling her children of the party her father is throwing her. 

The colour of the dress is linked to the symbology of  the  colour green – green  is the color  of the deadly sin Envy and through Cathys eyes and the exquisite detailed narrative we can, as readers feel Cathys own envy, longing and frustration having been locked up and missing out on so much ….

I was envious of the arrogant;

I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

For they have no pain;

their bodies are sound and sleek.

They are not in trouble as others are;

they are not plagued like other people.

Therefore pride is their necklace;

violence covers them as a garment.

Their eyes swell out with fatness;

their heart overflows with follies.

They scoff and speak with malice;

loftily they threaten oppression.

They set their tongues against heaven,

and their tongues range over the earth.

Therefore the people turn and praise them,

and find no fault in them….

Such are the wicked;

always at ease, they increase in riches.

All in vain I have kept my heart clean

and washed my hands in innocence.”

(Psalm 73:3-13, NRSV

This Psalm I feel really speaks for the seed of fear, doubts and negativity that has been planted in Cathys mind regarding her mother and this night and this dress with the adorning emerald jewellery just fosters her envy.

Envy is the most joyless of the Seven Deadly Sins, and trying to get to the bottom of it is like wrestling with a shadow. The glutton enjoys his banana split, at least for a moment, but the envious appears to derive only a gnawing sense of comparison, competition, and injustice from his secret sin. At its best, envy remains a hidden pool of ingratitude and resentment, secretly applauding the downfall and sorrow of others.

This festers inside Cathy the more time goes on and where it is proven her suspicion s are correct, her envy towards her mother is still a driving force behind her actions especially later on in the series particularly in Petals on the  Wind . 

She may require revenge for all that has happened but it is her envy, planted so long ago in 1957 that spurs her to dress in a replica gown in 1972 and exploit her mother the way she did. For the sad truth is despite all the sorrow, heartbreak and wrong doing , she loved her mother, so much so she wanted to be her – just like she did that Christmas Eve when she witnessed her in that Green dress.

TABOO

I’m rather partial to a gritty period drama.

Give me murder, betrayal, secrets and lies in a historic setting and I’m there.

Add Tom Hardy to the mix and I’m – well- happier than the proverbial  pig.
Taboo, an eight part historical drama, premiered tonight on BBC One – two days before its premiere on FX in America.

Of course,  I’d been looking forward  to it but I hadn’t expected to be so gripped.

James DeLaney,  presumed dead for 10 years ,  returns to 1814 London for his father’s funeral. 

A complex man, part hero part villian, his “ghost” haunts those who wish he’d never come back.
With a reputation  that precedes him, alluding to despicable crimes – this is a man who’s mental health is just as unstable as his late fathers .

With amazing cinematic scenes especially  in his “episodes” in which he controls hallucinations  by simply putting his blood stained hand up and very sternly tells “I have work to do today” – you can’t help but be drawn into the storyline and his character especially. 

I may have swooned a little , if not a lot , every time he spoke even when he was threatening to cut a whores trotters off.

But as I’ve said his return is not particularly  welcomed and not just because he is thought of as the devil himself.

His sister, has mixed feelings,  for they share a dark secret of the past she wishes to be buried……

His brother in law is furious  he is the sole heir …

The East India  Trading Co wish to buy the inheritance  left to him and will go to any means to obtain it …
An intriguing , dark period piece which is disturbing with the underlying threat which is not obvious but unnerving all the same …. Hardy s performance and that of the supporting cast is just outstanding. If you get a chance , definitely  watch this …. I promise you ll love it! 

******Potiential Spoilers ************

OK,  I am totally calling it now 

The 10 year old brother is in fact the lovechild of James and his sister and the reason he left for Africa in the first place.

The brother in law  was the one poisoning  James father with arsenic in order to inherit 

Frances Letter to Reggie

The Letter that’s used from Frances to Reggie  to “prove” she hated him and wanted out in the Tragic Bride book and also used by Emily Browning when “researching” the role of Frances for the film Legend.
It’s pretty triggering  reading 

I am not in the least interested in seeing  you ever again in the whole of my life and I really mean that, 

I am only interested  in getting my annulment. 

Don’t ever try and contact  me not ever again because I have had enough of the life I’ve had to lead so far.

I am keeping myself occupied at the moment and I don’t want any interference from you ever again so get out of my life and leave me alone and let me forget the past .

Frances

Pretty strong words and tone, definitely not the simpering little wife we saw in the 1990 biopic portrayal of Frances in The Krays.
However, NOTICE  the date JUNE 1966 
Frances was sectioned in Hackney Hospital in JUNE 1966 and was there until the SEPTEMBER  –

At the time of writing this letter she was in an incredible  fragile mental state and in an episode of her personality disorder – you can tell this by the erratic writing style and heavy use of underlining almost every word. You can tell she is distressed, but this is a result of her illness not just Reggie.
This date and what was happening  to Frances has been completely overlooked in favour of “theories” which the media has wanted to prove with little regards to the sources origin or facts.

However, granted it is difficult to  understand  personality disorders especially how to understand  what she’s writing but at the same time appreciate  the fact her illness  is tearing her apart and it’s not truly her writing it. It is but only for that moment in time …. it is truly difficult to understand, unless you suffer yourself, that with her disorder,that she wrote that  but could have felt totally different after sending it – that’s how rapid the illness is -changing a person’s thoughts and feelings within five mins, ten mins, an hour …sometimes even within a split second.

This letter is a vital source when researching Frances as a person, it does provide  insights but not just one.

It tells us so much in that of her illness but sadly this has been overlooked …