Sheer Frustration

I’m writing this at the point of sheer Frustration and it may end up all ranty but I’m needing to rant.

Hopefully someone somewhere will get what I’m saying. I’m not a neuro typical person,  neither is my son but my daughter is. Therefore ,  parenting can be hard,  harder than normal.

What works with my daughter won’t work with him , you have to think outside the box, walk on eggshell,  try and  avoid the confrontation s , the meltdowns , the sheer and utter devastation psychically and emotionally on a daily basis.

Things have got so bad recently I have to accept professional help , I ve had to get the school involved because after 8 years of doing it alone , it just became all too much.

And this was hard for me… to expose myself and my child in such a vulnerable way… to ask for help when all I ever learnt is it ll be refused . To let people in my home when I don’t even let my parents through my own front door.

So I’ve done this, I’ve done it because I love my son , because I want to help him.

But all I seem to get from everyone is the lack of understanding that he isn’t neurotypical,  they allude to my parenting , they suggest things that yes would work if he didn’t have emotional , psychological and pyschical disabilities – they don’t understand that I’m agreeing with them in concept but I know it won’t work and to be honest the consequences of trying would be catastrophic. This is not me being difficult. I’m being honest.

I feel undermined,  I feel like I’m being called into question when actually I have proof in the shape of a 12 year old daughter this isn’t my parenting that is the problem. It isn’t like i havnt tried the same techniques with both.

I had to remind them today of this,  I got upset through the sheer frustration of talking but never being listened to.

All I’m asking is that I have some support to do it the way I know will work, because I know I can’t do it alone anymore, I broke before Xmas but I need to be strong for my boy but I need  to be believed in.

The Seven Deadly Sins :Envy

The Seven Deadly  Sins : Envy 

 on JANUARY 8, 2017

​With its religious connotations throughout the book, Flowers in the Attic was always going to have the “hidden” religious themes such as the Seven Deadly Sins. 

In this section i will be exploring each sin and what section of the story they appear in , how they affect the characters and why ….

Envy (Latin, invidia)

Envy (jealousy, malice) —
Grieving spite and resentment of material objects, accomplishments, or character traits of others, or wishing others to fail or come to harm. Envy is the root of theft and self-loathing. Dante defined this as “love of one’s own good perverted to a desire to deprive other men of theirs”.

Sin: Envy

Sinner : Cathy 

The greatest  example of Envy rears it’s ugly head on the night of the Christmas party.

Corrine arrives beautifully  adorned in a green dress , breathlessly telling her children of the party her father is throwing her. 

The colour of the dress is linked to the symbology of  the  colour green – green  is the color  of the deadly sin Envy and through Cathys eyes and the exquisite detailed narrative we can, as readers feel Cathys own envy, longing and frustration having been locked up and missing out on so much ….

I was envious of the arrogant;

I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

For they have no pain;

their bodies are sound and sleek.

They are not in trouble as others are;

they are not plagued like other people.

Therefore pride is their necklace;

violence covers them as a garment.

Their eyes swell out with fatness;

their heart overflows with follies.

They scoff and speak with malice;

loftily they threaten oppression.

They set their tongues against heaven,

and their tongues range over the earth.

Therefore the people turn and praise them,

and find no fault in them….

Such are the wicked;

always at ease, they increase in riches.

All in vain I have kept my heart clean

and washed my hands in innocence.”

(Psalm 73:3-13, NRSV


This Psalm I feel really speaks for the seed of fear, doubts and negativity that has been planted in Cathys mind regarding her mother and this night and this dress with the adorning emerald jewellery just fosters her envy.

Envy is the most joyless of the Seven Deadly Sins, and trying to get to the bottom of it is like wrestling with a shadow. The glutton enjoys his banana split, at least for a moment, but the envious appears to derive only a gnawing sense of comparison, competition, and injustice from his secret sin. At its best, envy remains a hidden pool of ingratitude and resentment, secretly applauding the downfall and sorrow of others.

This festers inside Cathy the more time goes on and where it is proven her suspicion s are correct, her envy towards her mother is still a driving force behind her actions especially later on in the series particularly in Petals on the  Wind . 

She may require revenge for all that has happened but it is her envy, planted so long ago in 1957 that spurs her to dress in a replica gown in 1972 and exploit her mother the way she did. For the sad truth is despite all the sorrow, heartbreak and wrong doing , she loved her mother, so much so she wanted to be her – just like she did that Christmas Eve when she witnessed her in that Green dress.

TABOO 

I’m rather partial to a gritty period drama.

Give me murder, betrayal, secrets and lies in a historic setting and I’m there.

Add Tom Hardy to the mix and I’m – well- happier than the proverbial  pig.
Taboo, an eight part historical drama, premiered tonight on BBC One – two days before its premiere on FX in America.

Of course,  I’d been looking forward  to it but I hadn’t expected to be so gripped.

James DeLaney,  presumed dead for 10 years ,  returns to 1814 London for his father’s funeral. 

A complex man, part hero part villian, his “ghost” haunts those who wish he’d never come back.
With a reputation  that precedes him, alluding to despicable crimes – this is a man who’s mental health is just as unstable as his late fathers .

With amazing cinematic scenes especially  in his “episodes” in which he controls hallucinations  by simply putting his blood stained hand up and very sternly tells “I have work to do today” – you can’t help but be drawn into the storyline and his character especially. 

I may have swooned a little , if not a lot , every time he spoke even when he was threatening to cut a whores trotters off.

But as I’ve said his return is not particularly  welcomed and not just because he is thought of as the devil himself.

His sister, has mixed feelings,  for they share a dark secret of the past she wishes to be buried……

His brother in law is furious  he is the sole heir …

The East India  Trading Co wish to buy the inheritance  left to him and will go to any means to obtain it …
An intriguing , dark period piece which is disturbing with the underlying threat which is not obvious but unnerving all the same …. Hardy s performance and that of the supporting cast is just outstanding. If you get a chance , definitely  watch this …. I promise you ll love it! 

******Potiential Spoilers ************

OK,  I am totally calling it now 

The 10 year old brother is in fact the lovechild of James and his sister and the reason he left for Africa in the first place.

The brother in law  was the one poisoning  James father with arsenic in order to inherit 

Frances Letter to Reggie

The Letter that’s used from Frances to Reggie  to “prove” she hated him and wanted out in the Tragic Bride book and also used by Emily Browning when “researching” the role of Frances for the film Legend.
It’s pretty triggering  reading 

I am not in the least interested in seeing  you ever again in the whole of my life and I really mean that, 

I am only interested  in getting my annulment. 

Don’t ever try and contact  me not ever again because I have had enough of the life I’ve had to lead so far.

I am keeping myself occupied at the moment and I don’t want any interference from you ever again so get out of my life and leave me alone and let me forget the past .

Frances

Pretty strong words and tone, definitely not the simpering little wife we saw in the 1990 biopic portrayal of Frances in The Krays.
However, NOTICE  the date JUNE 1966 
Frances was sectioned in Hackney Hospital in JUNE 1966 and was there until the SEPTEMBER  –

At the time of writing this letter she was in an incredible  fragile mental state and in an episode of her personality disorder – you can tell this by the erratic writing style and heavy use of underlining almost every word. You can tell she is distressed, but this is a result of her illness not just Reggie.
This date and what was happening  to Frances has been completely overlooked in favour of “theories” which the media has wanted to prove with little regards to the sources origin or facts.

However, granted it is difficult to  understand  personality disorders especially how to understand  what she’s writing but at the same time appreciate  the fact her illness  is tearing her apart and it’s not truly her writing it. It is but only for that moment in time …. it is truly difficult to understand, unless you suffer yourself, that with her disorder,that she wrote that  but could have felt totally different after sending it – that’s how rapid the illness is -changing a person’s thoughts and feelings within five mins, ten mins, an hour …sometimes even within a split second.

This letter is a vital source when researching Frances as a person, it does provide  insights but not just one.

It tells us so much in that of her illness but sadly this has been overlooked … 

Preparing for the Bone Graft – Dental Appointment 

So two weeks after it was announced in Cleft Clinic surgery would be scheduled for 9 months time, the dental preparation work had to begin.

It’s hard because you know what’s going to happen but at the same time don’t, you don’t know how to prepare your child for this appointment – especially when they have behaviour issues,like Ryan does, to add to the mix .

Just getting him out the front door was a challenge , delaying tactics at full pelt , hyperactive in the car on the 20 minute journey to the local hospital …. he didn’t want to go but he was trying bless him.

Then the hospital appointment itself , hesitated and tried to back away from the department… laying on the waiting room floor to many stares.

A 20 minute delay …..

And then this first appointment… the one that’s going to start the process of our journey towards his third and final operation in his cleft experience – the bone graft

I must say, the orthodontists were great , explaining every step before hand and trying to make him feel as reassured as possible. 

First up was the teeth photographs , taken by widening the mouth with plastic grips.

Next normal photographs 

Lastly, and traumatically for both Ryan and myself – the dental impressions .He struggled, he gagged and then he threw up. I was almost in tears .

But he did it. 

My Ryans a soldier , he s been through so much during his cleft journey and today was just another step towards the ending. I just wish it wasn’t so heartbreaking though 

Jethro

We have exciting news in the Life Less Ordinary household !!! A new family member !!!

No, I havnt given birth (heaven forbid – I ve done my time 😉) instead we have adopted a dog and are giving him a forever home .

Meet Jethro 

Jethro is a 6 yr old male Beagle and literally one of the loveliest dogs I’ve ever met.

 He hasn’t had the best start bless him , abandoned on the streets of Wales , he was found , microchipped but the owner “no longer wanted him” .

He was bought down to Kent by Last Chance Animal Rescue as he was scheduled to be destroyed in the Welsh pound he had been taken to 😢

Jethro thought he had found a forever home as he had been rehomed before coming to us but after being roughly grabbed by the collar he tried to nip and the lady bought him back – 

So luckily for us and him we were able to provide a home , he’s rather poorly at the moment with an ear infection and it turns out he does have a 2nd rate heart murmur but all he really want s is some love and affection.

He’s quite a character and already thinks I’m his mum !!! literally I’ve finally got Ryan to stop following me to the toilet and now Jethro does !!! 

We ve been in stitches at his ability to find all those crisp packets the kids have thrown behind the sofas and he will bark gently “talking” to us to tell us what he wants 😂😂😂 and he found his “comfy spot” …in my bed 

he’s settling in  pretty well but it’s early days … he’s strong on the lead but Ryan is happily walking him to school on a double lead and Jethro is definitely an adventure dog – loving to explore and stop and sniff every two seconds 

4e0da5b6-6a91-4722-a6b3-879b5b82d8c9.jpg

Return to Roanoke : Three Days in Hell Chapter Nine

The episode begins with three friends, fanatics of the “My Roanoke Nightmare” documentary , who are embarking on a mission to get more Instagram followers by visiting the haunted house location of Roanoake. On the Blood Moon. 

New millennial s , bloggers and fansite creators – Sophie , Todd and Milo all have mixed feelings about “My Roanoke Nightmare”.
For Sophie analysing the show, she theorizes that the real villain is racism – an inter racial couple set in post racial America and then theirs the colony itself – for the lads , well it’s just awesome and gruesome. Todd doesn’t even believe it was real.

But their light-hearted trek takes a turn once they happen upon a bloodied woman, who they follow through the woods to a crashed car — the scene of the accident that killed “My Roanoke Nightmare” producer Diana — and Diana dead in the vehicle

They report this to the police, who, as we’ve come to expect here, are unhelpful. After all, they are in the pockets of the Polks. The cops threaten them with arrest if they try to return to the house, but they’re already trending on Twitter! There’s no turning back now. 

#BloodMoon  #MyRoanoakeNightmare

Meanwhile, Lee and Audrey, who were about to return to the Polk residence to grab the incriminating tapes, are explaining their predicament to Dylan, who just showed up in a pig’s head to “shake things up a bit”

Apparently he’s following explicit instructions from Sydney, Sydney who hasn’t been in contact for days …. In disbelief at first Dylan, who served in the military, agrees to help them, especially since Monet is still out there. 

Never leave a man behind, after all.

Back at the Polks, Lee finds the tape, Dylan finds a car, and Audrey finds Monet, tied up and surely about to be tortured. 

Confronted by an angry Polk, Audrey catches him on tape saying,

 “I’m going to murder you real slow,”  and shoots him dead. 

Just as things are looking up, however, Dylan is brutally attacked by a Polk, who takes the car fleeing now Mama isn’t around to protect him, and the murderous spirits are approaching as the Blood Moon rises. Audrey and Monet make a break for it, leaving a barely-able-to-walk Lee to fend for herself.

As Lee crawls desperate through the woods, the Wood Witch finds her. Just as she preyed on Thomasin White while she was alone and scared, the Witch offers a pig’s heart to Lee, who eats it and becomes, from what we can tell, possessed by the Butcher. 

And that’s when Todd, Milo, and Sophie come back into play…..

Recognizing Lee from our show within a show within a show, they approach her, and just as Todd tries to tell her what a fan he is, Lee kills him. 

A terrified Sophie and Milo manage to get away, making it to the producer’s trailer, where they find the dead producers and even Dylan, who’s shockingly still alive, but they push him away in fear.

 They take cover in the trailer, where they’re able to see everything on the cameras — including the dead cast members, and the still-alive Audrey and Monet, who they decide to try and save.

Back at the house, Monet and Audrey watch the tape that Lee was so desperate to retrieve, and discover the real reason why she wanted it so badly: it documents her confessing to killing her ex-husband. 

At this point, Monet needs a drink, and indulges despite Audrey’s attempts to stop the alcoholic. Audrey assumes Lee is dead, and Monet hopes the Polks have gotten their hands on her. 

I hope that Polk boys hungry 

And just as Monet rants, a noise clatters in the hallway: Lee herself.

It’s not really Lee, however. She’s clearly still possessed by the Butcher, and as Monet taunts her, she pushes her over the stair’s railway, killing her. Audrey fights back against Lee, and has the advantage of Lee’s injuries. After tripping down the stairs, Audrey manages to stab her, and runs to take cover in the cellar. Lee catches up with her, and as Audrey is at the top of the ladder, stabs her and kicks her down the hole.

And then, more bad news: Milo and Sophie appear, unaware of the horror they’ve just stumbled onto. They’re captured by the villagers, and in footage pulled from Todd’s iCloud account, we see Lee intone, “Present yourselves for slaughter.” The villagers have already disemboweled Dylan (just like Cricket), and the bloggers are next. They beg for their lives, but are nevertheless staked and burned alive.

The next day, the cops finally appear, rushing onto the scene after receiving reports of a lynch mob. They find the charred bodies of Milo and Sophie, the impaled one of Monet, and the disemboweled remains of Dylan. They also find Lee, who’s utterly shaken, and seemingly no longer possessed.

 Is she even aware that she’s just killed five people?

As they’re getting Lee out of the scene, they find someone else: Audrey, who miraculously survived her stabbing and the long fall she took.

The police try and save her, too, but as Audrey spots Lee, her anger gets the best of her. Yelling, “murderer!,” she grabs an officer’s gun to shoot Lee. In response, the cops act quickly and open fire, shooting Audrey to death. 

It turns out Lee is the one who makes it out of “Roanoke,” after all.

Cricket Marlowe

Cricket Marlowe is a medium who stems from the uptown district of New Orleans and claims to have worked several times with the FBI in cases of missing children. His “gift” manifested for the first time when he was nine years old, finding the keys lost by his “nana.”

Personality and Appearance

A man of short stature, dressed entirely in black with a white helmet hair cut. Eccentric and with behaviors that border on a sham, Cricket is a man who knows how to use flow-talking to his advantage. He is homosexual.

Story

Cricket Marlowe walks into the Miller’s house and says he is able to find FloraLee‘s daughter. He taps around a bit before finding Flora’s hideout which is hiding a bonnet. Cricket then tells Lee that Flora is alive and with Priscilla. Later on Cricket conducts a “ritual” to summon someone from the other side. ShelbyMatt and Lee all join in circle. This is where he is able to talk to “The Butcher“, revealing to be one of the ghosts of the Lost Colony. Cricket then tells the Millers that he can find Flora… for $25,000. Mad at him, Matt tells him to get out of his house because he believes that Cricket is a fraud and was faking the whole time. Before he leaves though, Cricket whispers to Lee about her oldest daughter, Emily.

Lee visits Cricket the next day and convinces him to come back to the house to find Flora. While at the house Cricket comes face to face with the Roanoke colony and of course, The Butcher. He says if they give up Flora, the Millers will move out. [1]

The medium returns to Roanoke House to offer his support to the Millers, but after having trouble concentrating, he decides to get his wits together by taking a walk through the woods. While on his walk, he has a close encounter with the mysterious woman of the woods who, after temporarily blinding him with a mysterious powder, reveals part of the true story behind the Lost Colony. Headed to the hotel to retrieve some ingredients for a spell, Crickets flirtation with an uber driver is interrupted by Flora who runs in front of the car. While chasing her in the woods, Cricket is captured by the Butcher and her acolytes, only to be later painfully disemboweled by them under the horrified gaze of Matt and Shebly. [2]

Notes

  • Cricket Marlowe is the second character on American Horror Story portrayed byLeslie Jordan. The first being Quentin Fleming in season three, Coven.
  • The second professional medium to appear in American Horror Story. The first was Billie Dean Howard. Both of these mediums have an inclination to melodrama and are involved somehow with the legend of the Lost Colony and the word “Croatoan”.
  • Cricket Marlowe is the third character, after Billie Dean Howard and Misty Day, to refer to the white light of protection against malevolent forces.

Quotes

Rest your pretty little heads. Cricket has all the answers you seek.Cricket

[1]

The spirits are dark and malevolent, and they do indeed have your daughter. But I can take you to her. $25,000. I take Visa, MasterCard, Discover…Cricket:

[1]

Oh missy, I’m going to be back… You will invite me!Cricket:

[1]

Oh honey, this land does not belong to the dead. You’re the trespasser!Cricket:

[1]

Tell me, young man, have you ever heard of the term “gay for pay”?Cricket:

American horror story – Chapter 8

One word for this episode ? CARNAGE

Pure carnage from start to finish with not one but two of the major players being killed off and an ever higher body count than last week 

Shelby and Dominic are trapped inside the house as the mob surround them. Having witnessed the Butcher dispose of Agnes , Dominic is losing his shit whilst Shelby is losing the will. 

Meanwhile, Lee, Audrey, and Monet are being held captive by the Polk family.

After Agnes’ murder, Dominic and Shelby begin to devise a plan to escape the house. They first decide to flee out of the secret tunnels but are foiled by the ghosts of the Chan family attacking them. Forcing the pair to flee upstairs and try and lock themselves in a bathroom, they find themselves being attacked by The Piggy Man, the skittering Chen creature, and Thomasyn’s mob. 

However once the pair are safely inside, Shelby slits her throat out of guilt for murdering Matt. 

Meanwhile, the three women continue to be tortured by the Polk family, with Lee losing more of her flesh, having been left under the supervision of Jether Polk.

This will be his first kill he tells her despite admitting he doesn’t actually want to kill her. Lee really comes into her own here , desperate for her survival , she manages to build a rapport with him , gain his confidence before seducing him so she can kill him and make her escape. 

Unfortunately not before she confesses to her ex husbands murder – on film.

Having learnt of the Polks family history from Mama herself – their ancestor Kincain Polk was the infamous Piggy Man of Murder House fame and they began their cannabilistic way’s dusing the 1920s Great Depression … killing and eating the theif that stole their last pig…Lee isnt hanging around.

She bursts into the other room where Audrey having one of her teeth ripped out of her mouth. Monet has escaped and fled leaving them behind and is being chased by the last two remaining male Polks.

Eventually, the women manage to escape, Audrey killing Mama Polk in the process , Shelby style with a crowbar.

Back at the house, the two women come across the dead body of Matt. Lee is obviously horrified .  Continuing upstairs the two find Shelby’s body with Dominic in the bathroom. 

Not believing his version of events , the two blame Dominic for the death of Shelby and Matt, with Lee forcing him out into the hall where he is murdered by the Piggy Man. 

Surprisingly they manage to survive the night and are about to make their escape the next morning when Dylan ( the actor who played Ambrose) arrives at the house to the two women’s surprise.

And then there was one -Who dies Who Survives ? Return to Roanoke: Three Days in Hell

Well, I expected it but I didn’t EXPECT that !!! 

Lee Harris turned out to be the sole survivor but she literally sold her soul to do so ….

It wasn’t looking good for Lee , earless, with chunks of her leg and shoulders missing … her insistence on getting that confessional tape back was almost her downfall.

Alone in the woods , slowly dying she was saved by Scathach who fed her a pigs heart reminiscent of how The Butcher was saved.

And then it began , trance like Lee began a killing spree and as the blood moon rose went in search of Audrey and Monet in order to cleanse the land….

Monet and Audrey are back at the house, and they have the confession tape … they now know Lee killed Mason.

Of course when Lee appears they do not realise she is possessed and Monet tells her in no uncertain terms what she thinks leading to her own death at Lee’s hands …

Monet

So now that leaves Audrey fleeing for her life , stabbed by Lee she manages an escape only to be caught trying to find safety in the outside cellar – Lee brutally flings her down and locks her in – RIP Audrey … or so we think ….

Still in a possessed state , Lee incites the Butcher s mob to come and sacrifice two young bloggers that have been found on the land ….


The next morning the police arrive and Lee is found …. she no longer seems possessed and seems to have no recollection in her part of the previous nights events … in fact she’s relieved when Audrey is found safe and well too … However upon seeing Lee , Audrey grabs a cops gun and finds herself shot down mistakenly thought guilty of the murders .

Audrey

A complete roller coaster of an episode and with Lee the sole survivor, we ‘re left with more questions than answers 

• is Lee faking ? does she really not remember ?

• surely now the police will find the footage and she will go to prison for her crimes ?

• just how much was Lee behind it all ? we suspect there was something off with the original Roanoake Nightmare tale … was it all a big cover up ? 

of course I have more questions …. Scathach, The Butcher , The Polks … 

There’s still a piece of this puzzle missing ..  which means I cannot wait until the finale next week in which Lana Winters returns to grill Lee on these events because if anyone can get to the truth it’s Lana